batabatuta blog

It was 8’o clock in the evening when I ran to my room crying, leaving my things scattered behind. The moment my mother saw me in the corner, she said; “OK LANG YUN”. It was the last word that I heard.

I entered our house desperately, and from there, I saw her sitting very still in the wooden chair, chatting along with some of her so called friends. The sight of her face and body filled me with pain I cannot describe, I thought that I should be one of them or dapat ako lang talaga ang nandun kasama NIYA. Tears were not enough to express my insecurities.

I wasn’t prepared for that kind of tragedy (kung tragedy ngang matatawag yun kasi hindi naman sha sakuna tulad ng bagyo, tidal wave, etc.). In a snap, everything has changed. I lost her and the worst I still don’t know what’s the reason behind why she ignore me. (ang alam ko that time masaya pa kami…hingang malalim).

Knowing that maybe I would never hold her again in my arms added to my pain.

I FELT ALL ALONE…

To say that “heaven came crashing down on me,” (English version ng “ para kang binagsakan ng langit ah”) is an understatement. It was worst than that.

As I looked at her memorabilia, questions came rushing to my mind. Sobrang gulong gulo ang utak ko non. (mas magulo pa sa rally sa Makati ng pumunta si Jun Lozada), Nasabi ko sa sarili ko, How will I go on with my life? Who will I share my achievements and failures? Yung kaisa-isang taong tukmol na laging umiintindi more than anybody else lalo na pagdating sa kadramahan at kainartehan ko sa buhay, nawala pa. Tinanong ko tuloy si God, why of all people it had to be my one of my best friend, bakit si BATA PA? (narinig kaya ni God yung tanong ko? Or natutulog kaya siya nung time na tinanong ko yun? Sana narinig niya).

Nung mga panahon na nagmumuni-muni ako habang nakain ng mani na may pamagat na HAPPY, kahit SAD ako, I despised everything. My mind was filled with uncertainty. I didn’t know how I will cope with the loss. Masyado akong naging apektado that I couldn’t see any reason life should go on. ( para akong nawalan ng pamilya at naiwan sa isang island mag-isa). (parang sobrang hirap naman nun..lalo pa’t walang computer. Ma-mimiss ko si MR. Yahoo, Mr. Google, YM at Friendster, naiisiip ko palang parang hindi ko na kaya…buti nalang hanggang isip lang siya.)

Ok. Back to the story. The role she played (hindi sha artista ah) in my development as a person was unequaled by anyone, including my best friend. She influenced most of my attitudes, (kung dati sira ulo at loko-loko ako, nung nakilala ko sha MAS naging gagu at sira ulo ako…heheheheh). Kidding aside, she was more than a sister to me, she was my best friend and my sister rolled in one. (pang 2-in-1 coffee lang).

Ang friendship naming ay wala namang extra-ordianry sa iba, maliban sa mga abnormal kami. We would fight and kiss and make-up afterwards na para bang wala naman talagang nangyari.

“BATA” breathed life into myself. She was the teller of jokes and she made me see the lighter side of life (kahit na atoms or molecules pa un). She relieved my weariness with her anecdotes after a day’s hard work. (kahit wala naman talaga kaming ginawa maghapon at niloloko naming ang isa’t –isa na marami kaming ginawa). She would turn simple incidents into something funny or ridiculous.

She was the best impersonator I’ve ever since (talo niya pa si pokwang at many pookyaw sa galing niyang magpatawa). She had this uncanny talent for mimicking other people manners and even their speech. If she had this for living, alam ko magiging successful siya. Pero humble ang friend ko eh, camera shy daw sha at hindi siya sanay mamigay ng mga autograph. Ayaw din nia ang masyadong magpayaman. (haysz).

We shared the same interests, including….anu nga ba? Parang wala naman…wala pala..sorry tao lang.

Bata was the brother I never had. Hindi dahil mukha siyang lalaki or barako sha (naku, lagot ako pag nalaman nia to. Buti nalang hindi mahilig magbasa ng blogs un kundi sa kangkungan ako pupulutin). She protected me from all the threath (kahit bomb threath) I encountered while spending time with her. She was my shield from the fires of a mad world. (para siyang babaeng version bni SHAIDO..siya si SHAIDA). Her advice was seldom spoken, I learned as much as she did from her own experiences.

Bata was never harbored any bitterness despite her many frustration in her life. Sabi niya nga minsan, “huwag mong pagsisihan ang mga bagay na ginawa mo, kasi ginawa mu yun. Sa uulitin, bago mu gawin ang isang bagay, pag-isipan mo ng maige para hindi ka magsisisi sa huli”. (oh dib a nasermunan pa ako!). Ang salitang “REGRET” ay wala sa kanyang bokabularyo, pero ang pangungusap na “MAGANDA SI BATA” ay ultimo back page ng Webster’s dictionary niya nakasulat ang sentence nay un. Sabi nga di ba, love yourself before others..

She never bore a grudge against anyone for long she was quick to forgive and forget the past. (pero bakit pag ako?)

Every time I witnessed an amusing incident I couldn’t tell her soon enough about it. She laughed at my corniest jokes. We would stay awake till the wee hours of the morning chatting about anything and everything under the sun be it nonsense or secrets.

Several weeks after the incident (sounds like SOCO naman) I witnessed a humorous incident on my way to school. Tapos kung masaksihan ang nangyari, naisip ko how Bata like this to know. Pero bigla na lang nag-flash back na hindi pala kami nagpapansinan.

Marami na kaming napagdaanan. Dinaanan at dadaanan pa lng. (buntong hininga). She would check always if I am OK. If I was at our home. When we have to stay out late, she wouldn’t sleep until I was inside of our house. And when I felt all alone she would worry endlessly about what happened. Siyempre kakausapin nia ako at kukulitin hanggang sa maging Ok na ulit ako.

Alam kong hindi na maibabalik ang mga nakalipas na nagdaan. Sabi nga sa kanta ng isang singer na hindi ko kilala “kung maibabalik ko lang ang dating ikot ng mundo” pero naisip ko na hindi naman ako si GOD para magawa ko yun. I know nothing will ever bring her back to me again. Not the ilang balde at palangganang tears that I cry at naging parang La Niña ang bahay naming noon when I feel insecure and jealous every time na may kasama siyang iba, not my intense longing to be her FRIEND again. Naisip ko hindi naman ako masamang tao ah. Hindi rin naman ako wanted. Pero bakit sila lang?

I don’t know how I can get over the loss that time. (siyempre ngayon bati na kami ulit, kasi hindi na kami mga batang paslit and we were very close than before. Ahem..ahem…ahem). I am sorry that I didn’t have the guts to tell her how much I appreciated all the things she did for me. I should try to repay her in kind.

Nung nawala sha (pero hindi naman totally nawala dahil nasa iisang bahay lang kami) na-forced ako to be strong. Naisip ko, kung ayaw niya sa akin bakit ko ba ipagpipilitan ang sarili ko. (labas sa ilong lang yun).

It’s been 6 months, 8 days, 12 hours since she left away ang drama naming nun. Inamin ko sa sarili ko pero hindi sa iba na sobrang namimiss ko na sha. Pero anu bang magagawa ko kung di ang manahimik nalang at karirin ang pagba-blog..(naisip kong talunin si inday. Maldito atbp…malay mo kung ito pala ang gusto ni Papa God na mangyari sa akin..(Laughing out louds). Some people think that I have overcome my sadness for they may see me laughing and happy. Pero mali sila, dahil ito’y isang huwad lamang at walang pawing katotohanan.

Si BATA, gave me the true and nothing but the true meaning of life, and without her I can never be the same old me.