batabatuta blog

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” (Phil. 4:6-7)

My dearest friend,

I know these past few days have been particularly difficult for you. I can see it in your eyes, in your face, in the way you carry your body. Those things seem familiar to me, because it doesn’t seem like so long ago that I buried my pains, and suffered the multitude of losses that go with it.

I wanted to let you know how much I care about what you are going through. I know you won’t mind my sharing this letter with my readers, as you, of all people, know how many others are in need of love and healing. And that’s what we do, you and I, each in our own way.

It does seem that at a time like this, when emptiness tears at your heart, there shouldn’t be any other pain in your life. But how foolish would we be to expect that to be so.

It is an unfortunate fact of human nature, that very often, even in the midst of suffering, it is those we love the most who hurt us the most, not only by what they do, but by what they don’t do.

Truly, it is sometimes just the smallest gesture of thoughtfulness that lets us know we are loved. But, when that gesture is missing, it is often the thing that pierces our heart most deeply.

I have spent the last year learning a lot about love, understanding fully that to truly love someone we must make ourselves vulnerable, and that is just not possible for everyone.

And so they build walls of fear or pride or selfishness – and in the process hurt themselves as much as anyone else. They strive to protect themselves, and in keeping loved ones at a distance, deprive themselves, as well, of the ultimate gift of God – real love.

When people love deeply, and put their loved ones’ feelings and needs ahead of their own, as you do without hesitation, it is often difficult to understand why others can’t love in the same way. But they don’t always, and knowing that won’t lessen the pain.

Still, we have been blessed, your family and mine, because we have loved each other well, and while we may, at some point, lose the mementos, the powerful reminders of what was, the love that we share is a powerful promise of what is and what will be.

The wisdom learned by one who has traveled through grief often falls on the deaf ears of one who is grieving, but I will offer it anyway.

Allow yourself to feel – the pain, the anger, the sorrow, the loneliness – but do not let them consume you. Above all, share your grief with those who care about you.

When I think of you, I realize that the one gift we could always share is the gift of laughter. Smile when you think of me and remember – I love you.

- bata